Sunday, April 26, 2009

Momness, Mortals & Me

*Caution: Venting, Ramblings of a tired mom follow. Read only if you have a strong tolerance for weakness and moms.

I'm back to my blog, finally. It seems so long since I've been able to just sit and breathe, let alone think of things to write. Where am I? That's the question for today. I've been home alone (a rarity) this evening wondering..."What am I supposed to be doing?" Do I rest? It is Sunday, the day of rest - after all. Do I clean house? I can't, 'cause my back is out. Should I read my Bible? Of course! But all I can manage is a nap. Afterward, the question comes again. I ask myself again..."What should I be doing?" But not in the sense of immediately, I'm talking about in life. What are my priorities now, and what SHOULD they be? Are they the same? Unlikely. Um...no. OK, now what?

It must be this just-turned 40 thing I guess. Life reevaluation. Mid-life crisis? Not sure that's it so much, as just giving myself a tune-up. I need to refocus myself in the right direction. More God, less me. I've been so focused on my family lately, that I have completely left the Lord out of the picture altogether. Talk about screwed up priorities.

I spoke with two friends today who gave me a bit of a reality check. Thanks guys. God works through you even when you don't know it sometimes. One person could relate to exactly where I was in my "momness", where the other person gave me some advice that was sorely needed. Thanks Marsha and Jerry.

Have you ever felt like you are the worst mom on the planet? Does it ever seem like there are more things that you do wrong instead of right? That's me today. Intellectually I know it's not true, but internally - in my gut - that's where it hits hard. I'm not perfect (which totally sucks, since I'm a PERFECTIONIST). Go figure. I guess that's one of the Lord's little inside jokes for us. Make us want to be exactly what we can't, so we have to rely TOTALLY on Him. No glory for me today! That's the word of the day. Glory. It's not meant for the likes of us mere mortals. Is it?

I guess it boils down to this...I'm not God. Shock of all shocks! Guess that means I'll have to settle for being a child of His who needs occasional discipline and love. Oh, and a hand up once-in-a-while. I think I can handle that.